what is real?

- What is real?,  asked the Rabbit one day...

- Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and stick-out handle?

- Real isn't how you are made, said the Skin Horse. It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real..

- Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?

- It doesn't happen all at once, said Skin Horse.

- You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because when you Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.

- I suppose you are Real? said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought

the Skin Horse might be sensitive. 

But the Skin Horse only smiled. 

- The boy's uncle made me real, he said. That was a many years ago; but once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.

The Skin Horse, by Bianco, Margery Williams, 1978

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Becoming Real

In therapy, we also learn what it means to "become real."
Through the therapeutic relationship — where the gaze is held, silence has space, and presence is genuine — we begin to allow what is true within us to surface.

Being real is not about perfection, but about allowing ourselves to be seen — with the marks, the flaws, the fears, and the tenderness that dwell within us.
It is a process that unfolds gradually, in the time of trust and encounter.

And, just like the Rabbit in the story, we discover that what makes us real is not what we have or show, but the way we are touched and transformed by those who see us with love and authenticity.